Register   |  Login

Work It Out

One thing is for sure.

Our planet will not be powered with shine until we figure out how to disagree with civility.

It is easy to watch the news and assume that the recent problems in Cairo are reserved for places like Egypt; places 7,000 miles away and ruled by a corrupt regime.  But, there is plenty of evidence suggesting that we are no better at managing conflict than our Egyptian neighbors.

The shooting in Arizona last month and increased incidents of school-aged bullying are proof of our nation's growing incivilities.  While closer to home, these examples are still distant enough that many of us will feel absolved and want to believe I am talking about someone else.

I am not.  Me included.

The truth is our ability to disagree with civility about big things depends in large part on how practiced we are managing disagreement over little things.  So let me ask you:

What do you do when, to your dismay, a neighbor parks his car in front of your home for days on end?  Ring the doorbell and politely ask him to park his car somewhere else or outsmart your neighbor by parking your own car there?

How do you handle it when a colleague oversteps his boundaries and offends you?  Address it professionally, from one colleague to another, or vent to a third party over lunch?

How often do you default to Facebook, email, or texting to confront a friend about something that is bothering you?  Ten years ago a faculty member of mine shared that she loved email because it was easier to confront people electronically than it was in person.  The irony that this woman was employed to educate future leaders has never escaped me.

Disagreeing with civility - instead of aggressively or passive aggressively - is similar to developing a muscle.  The more you exercise the confidence and skill it requires, the stronger your muscle gets.  I think the same is true of our nation.  The better our nation gets at disagreeing with civility, the stronger we get.

Shining off until tomorrow...

Return TopTrackbackPrintPermalink

Comments

Got something to say? Join the discussion »
    Posted @ 2/8/2011 6:40 AM by Heather
    Heather's avatar

    This couldn't have been better timed! I'm dealing with a work situation where evidently civil disagreement isn't going to happen. ugh.

    Also let this serve as a test. Back from Florida I've been working with the settings (sorry for all the "approval" emails you may have received. But hopefully our comments will be on track now.

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 7:07 AM by cristine
    cristine's avatar

    I haven't had a conflict/civility issue recently - maybe I'm too much in my bubble/snowed in.
    But I have noticed that a lot of my friends now primarily text instead of calling. My home phone rings less and less, but my iphone bings all the the time. I guess that I better up my messaging limit so that I can converse with my friends.
    Have a great day everyone

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 7:44 AM by Peggy
    Peggy's avatar

    Yay, I can visit with y'all at the House of Sh!ne. Missed you!!!

    I think in regard to today's topic I do all of the above.... except text. If I follow my 'true nature' part of a book I'm reading about personalities... it says my 'type' is very blunt and we type 4s often come off brassy and uncaring and authoratative if not offensive. Not making that as an excuse.... I need to vent if someone does something careless, I've been known to be a tattle tale when kids don't follow the rules, I've made myself sick with worry trying to make an uncomfortable situation the best for everyone involved... and I've totally ignored things knowing that I have only the power to change myself and how I view the circumstance.

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 9:30 AM by Cheryl
    Cheryl's avatar

    We don't all have to agree but we need to respect each others opinion. And, technology has made us lazy. It is a lot easier to confront someone on email- it's not uncomfortable. You know you may disappoint someone, hurt their feelings or make them angry and so you remove yourself from the unpleasant experience. It's the easy way out. It takes courage to be in someone's presence and know you have different opinions and be able to state your side and accept that you may not sway the other person.

    Thanks for fixing the comment section, Heather!! Welcome home!

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 11:30 AM by Heather
    Heather's avatar

    I switched the avatar settings too and it looks like (at least from my work computer) that things are lining up better now...is anyone out there having a problem? Are we seeing all the comments? I show 4 (5 if you include the one I'm typing).

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 4:04 PM by Claudia
    Claudia's avatar

    Hi everyone. A busy day around town, but finally I am home.

    Nice comments and Cheryl, you are so eloquent.

    Cristine, I was just commenting to Richard last night how people are beginning to text as a way of getting your attention faster than email. I don't want to turn this into a conversation exclusively about technology, but I do believe there should be some sort of limit as to how and when we use technology, versus personal contact.

    Thanks, Heather for taking charge and fixing our problem!

    Of course we know that email (or texts) are easy to misconstrue, but besides that, I just think personal contact is more pleasant - maybe even humane.

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 6:06 PM by jules
    jules's avatar

    Sometimes, though, civility gets you nowhere. I tried being civil with my child's school when he was bullied last fall. I was promised all sorts of things, none of which materialized. Now the same four second graders are targeting my tiny little kindergartener, to the point that I had to withdraw him from school. So I am taking it up the foodchain, but it is getting hard to remain civil, when the parents of the other four have a reputation for being "squeaky wheels." While I am still being civil, that might have to end soon.

    I agree on the technology. I hate texting. I'd rather stop by someone's office and have a chat than text or email.

    Posted @ 2/8/2011 9:18 PM by Claudia
    Claudia's avatar

    I don't even understand fourth graders who make it their business to bully a kindergartener. I find that totally disturbing.

leave a reply

 [Quick Submit with Ctrl+Enter]

Remember my details
Notify me of followup comments via e-mail